How to handle jealousy in a long-distance relationship

Long distance relationships (LDRs) have been around forever. When we were once analysing the tone in a letter from our suitor, we are now wondering why our partner used a smiley face instead of a heart in their text. Jealousy shows itself in all relationships, regardless of distance. But when that special someone is a long drive (or even a flight) away, opportunities for the green-eyed monster to rear its ugly head can inflame.

The situation isn’t ideal. This doesn’t mean the treatment of our partner should completely change, just shift to fit the separation. In LDRs, the uphill battle is often against loneliness and sadness. Trust has never been the problem, just the urge for closeness.

Being far away doesn’t have to mean feeling far away. Intimacy isn’t gained through jealous pressure. It's gained through lovingly crafted opportunities for connection.

Taking a step back

Once we are able to recognise that the anxiety around our relationship is a need for affection, we can reframe the worry. It's easy to give into the troubling feeling within. You may feel the urge to become a keyboard warrior to try and get your partner’s attention. Before acting, turn off your phone, take a deep breath, and reflect on the uneasiness.

On the upside of an LDR, is the chance to take time to really think before we speak. In real life conversations, we feel there is no choice but to reply straight away. Sitting in front of your partner means you are more likely to act out of impulse. In LDRs, you have an extended moment to truly think through your next step.

If you find yourself constantly checking your phone waiting for a reply from your far away partner, having concrete options instead of staring at the screen may help you calm down. Going on a walk to recollect your thoughts can give you the peace that you crave. Sprinkling in an iced matcha and your favourite tunes definitely helps the motivation.

It's too easy to get stuck in the cycle of scrolling reels in between clicking to and from the text chat. Before you know it, you're in a ball of overthinking and you have a headache. Simply leaving your room and chatting with a flatmate while they make dinner can take you out of the hole. Taking loneliness out on the person trying to be with you is a paradox that can be extremely harmful.

FOMO can be a huge factor in fuelling feelings of rejection. Your partner hasn’t done anything to make you feel jealous. Their fulfilling life outside of the relationship might be what's making you feel self-conscious. Making them feel guilty for doing what makes them happy will only push them further away.

A great way to avoid FOMO is building your own self-confidence. Investing in your friendships and hobbies in your day-to-day life could better your relationship. Your LDR should never feel like it takes over your entire life. Whether you're getting a fast reply or being left on read shouldn’t determine your entire mood. Having a strong sense of self through creating a colourful life makes jealousy feel less dire.

Turning jealousy into connection

Unfortunately because of the distance in an LDR, truly connecting with your partner can be a lot harder than simply going over to their flat and having a movie night. Getting creative and making time for each other so you feel secure will cement the trust that you have.

Plan a date where you get dressed up, light some candles, and have dinner over face-time. You may feel silly at the start. But seeing that you're scared of losing someone you love through jealousy, might mean it's time to plan something nice.

You can still have those exciting butterflies-in-the-stomach feelings in your LDR. Know that your jealousies are a signal that you want to feel the love. This means that you can come to your partner with a fun plan for a facetime date instead of a controlling attack.

Buying some of those Lego flowers that everyone wants and building them together over the phone may be another fun way to spend quality time together, ultimately reducing insecurity in the LDR.

Long distance relationships can be especially hard as communication is dependent on texts and calls. But when you're both willing to be self aware about jealousy and get creative, it's all worth it to be with the person you love. Remember, you’re worth every mile.