So your partner loves to party? Feeling secure when you love to stay in
By Lee Judi
It would be amazing if at all times your energy to go until 4am aligned with your partner’s. It's easy to buzz off of that honeymoon phase until you're seeing the sunrise every weekend with that special person. But now… the dust has settled.
You’ve always preferred staying in and locking into your PlayStation (especially now that Skate 4 has finally released). But as your girlfriend dolls up, the nerves start. With each outfit try on and Brat song that plays, a new anxiety builds.
It's absolutely okay for people dating to not have the same social battery. It's not okay to take that unease out on the person you love.
Find the root of the feeling
It's important to recognise whether your worries are coming from external forces or internal ones. Reflecting upon past relationships and long-held insecurities may help you find the root of your fears. Either way, starting off by understanding why your partner's extroverted lifestyle leaves you feeling jealous is necessary in restoring an emotional balance.
If on previous nights out your partner has done specific things that made you feel excluded, think about how these situations could have been avoided through communication. When we’re unaware of where our partner is or who they’re with, it's understandable for our heads to spin. It's the not knowing that fuels angst.
Seeing photos of our partners with people we don’t know can understandably trigger feelings of jealousy. It’s important to acknowledge that these feelings stem from our own insecurities or past experiences. It’s not okay to take these feelings out on our partners, but letting our partner know how we are feeling and why, helps to build trust and healthy communication in our relationship.
When your partner is partying without you
Contrary to what dudes on your TikTok might be saying, partying is not a solely single activity. Whilst hooking up is an element of party culture, for many it’s far from the driving factor. Letting loose and dancing with mates incites feelings of connection and community. The people that treat clubs, gigs, and parties as merely a hookup opportunity are often just labelled as nuisances.
Consider what your partner gets out of that crazy Saturday night. Finally getting to dress up, crack up, and bump to techno after a week of wearing sweats at 9am lectures might be that much needed release for them. The stresses of everyday life are alleviated when your partner gets to scream sing along to Addison Rae with her girls. The dudes trying to break into the dance circle quickly get brushed off.
While your insecurities might be getting the better of you, your partner’s needs to relax and have fun - without checking their phone every five minutes - are also valid. If you want to make sure she’s okay, maybe it's a text when arriving at the party or a call when hopping in the Uber home.
Instead of feeling rejected that she’s out having a good time without you, think about where these feelings of rejection are coming from and talk to someone if you need to.
In a healthy relationship, jealousy doesn’t disappear. Even in the most secure dynamics, we often use jealousy as a bid for our partner's attention. What we’re trying to say is “Hey, look at me”, but what comes out is hurtful and harms the trust in the relationship.
By going about these bids for attention in a calm and collected way we may get that reassurance that will make the initial jealousy feel silly. When we are self-aware and wholly recognise the role that jealousy plays, these conversations can actually become a point of connection.
